Write My Wrongs...

I know this maybe harsh, but if I didn't receive a letter from you while I was locked up...I DON'T GIVE 2 SH*TS ABOUT YOU. Thats my word and my word is bond! There's no excuse for those of you not to write...a stamp was 41 cents (now 44) and a envelope is about 25 cents. all I asked for was some energy, effort, alittle of your time, a card atleast! Of all the people I know, I should've received a letter everyday of the week, but it didn't turn out that way. A few females who said they were going to write me didn't, which I knew they wouldn't, but I gave'em the benefit of the doubt. Now they wanna act like I should give'em 2 years worth of frustration to take out on their orifices...NO! I basically virginized myself, I can't just give that up so freely. I sat 2-years and thought of all the women i've slept with, and it surprised me how many women it was! I'm a changed man, I can't just f*ck anybody no more...a female has to put in that extra work now-a-days.
The letters I received I appreciated so dearly because those people would've been like those who DIDN'T write me, but they took out time to think about me and send me their thoughts, emotions, and feelings, reduced to written words to touch me and let me know that I wasn't alone. For that fact, I WILL share my success & future success with those people without a question. They say you learn who your friends (and family) are when you are in a bind...believe me I know now! I know that family is a word I take serious, just as I take the word "friend" seriously. and for the record, I have very few friends, and very few people whom I consider family! For the most part, family in the general sense are mere "blood-relatives"...NOT FAMILY!


Some of the most important letters I got were from a person who I should hate (and who should hate me if that person was to hold grudges), but that person extended their self to me in such a way that I can't ignore! I wrote some of the most profound things incarcerated. But alot of the things I wrote I never mailed out because I didn't want to corrupt friendships with ambiguous language that could be taken as something on the surface, but internally totally different. Anyway, I've learned alot about myself and others by writing...it was kinda therapeutic. My heart bled on the pages, and my words sealed the wound! I experienced Love for the first time (as in my last post I said I experienced HATE too). I've loved (or thought I loved) before, but I actually experienced Love unequivocally, without even touching, tasting, kissing, or hearing another person! Who can say they've experienced that? I've made love to a women with words...so just imagine what I'll do to a female physically??? Have you ever loved someone and not kiss them, touch them, or see them? Probably not! I have, and I have to say that it's a wonderful feeling...I loved for the 1st time from the inside out (metaphorically speaking). Before then all of my expression came from physical & sexual encounters with women, never spiritual & emotional. It was like I loved through my eyes & my d*ck...now it's different. I want to know a female heart & mind before my penis paint pictures by stroking away her past with my "art form". Love is a art form, some is abstract some is graphic, but all in all it's art. You start off drawing stick figures then move on to painting by numbers, next is freehand, in which you mess up quite often but you get better with your craft. Next you move on to painting masterpieces! That's the stage I'm at now...I need something to hang on the wall to show my appreciation for "art", which it timeless.


I don't hold no grudges with those who didn't send me a sheet of scribbled on paper folded up in a envelope...I'm just shocked that your thoughts & mine never got to build a stronger bond. I was like I died and witness my own death only to see who would show up at my funeral. I know it sound melancholy but it's what I felt at the time. Some people may say "you just feel sentimental cause you was alone". I'll say you right and your wrong because I wanted to suffer so I would internalize prison in my mind so I would NEVER go back. So when someone did simple things as send me pictures, I thanked them cause it was so many people who hasn't had mail in years (years without mail!)! I received more mail (which I still think it should've been more) than most guys got in 10 years.Believe it or not, mail made the days fly by a little faster, so it seemed. So if you are reading this and you know of someone in prison, write them a letter or just send them some pictures.

A Day In The Life

I know it's been a long time since I sat at the computer and typed on this thing, but I've been REALLY busy. I've been free of bondage for about a month now, and I have to stay busy to keep my thoughts fluent...if not, I'll be like alot of these people out here...STUCK!
I'm noticing that alot of people are just wasting time (BS-in'). There's alot of things to be done each day. Locked up, you create things to do. For instance: This use to be my schedule...

Wake up about 6:30am, wash up, go to eat the bullsh*t breakfast, go in the TV room (if I'm lucky I can catch CNN or MTV) for about 30 minutes, do 10 sets of 10 (100) pull-up, push-ups, & dips, walk the track for a hour and clear my head, wash up again, the sleep till count time which is at 10:30am. Seem like allot right??? That's just phase 1. After count time (11:30am) go to chow (lunch). If they serving something unbearable, I sleep til about 1:00pm. Go to the library to get away from all the fags, the insane, and the liars who talk about other niggaz & who doing what in the street. I stay in the library til about 3:00, walk the track with my Conrad and go over plans and things of that nature or we'll work out together til they blow yard (4:00pm). It's count time again so I lay back for about 30 minutes waiting to see who took the time out to write me a letter. If I get mail, I read it and begin to write out a ruff draft response for the said letter. Now it's chow time again (6:00-6:30pm). Everybody watching 106 & Park, I peep some of it in the TV room or read the noted I've been taking from the books I've been reading...waiting til yard open up to go work out again (same routine) or if the weight pit not crowded me & my homie lift some weights or run the track & chop up game until they blow yard (9:00pm). I hit the shower, make a bullsh*t cook-up (noodles, cheese, tuna) and read til a n*gga call me out on a chess game. At 12:00 the power goes out, and I might do a few push-ups (about 300 to 500), then go to sleep...I repeated this sh*t for the last 730 days (2-years).

I've been to 6 different correctional institutions in 2 years...guess how many tickets I got? A WHOLE BUNCH!!! About 40 something to be exact. I got my level raised, and you would think that in a higher level with guys doing LIFE - it would be crazy like the perception you get on TV...HELL NO! Those n*ggaz was straight up p*ssy. Some of the old school cats who had LIFE would say sh*t like "he stupid for catching all those tickets" & "I've been down 20 years I only have 4 tickets". What? N*gga YOU ARE NEVER COMING HOME, and those guards come up in there everyday like you owe them respect! Every chance I got I DISOBEYED A DIRECT ORDER. I did it for me on the most part cause I knew they couldn't do sh*t to me, on the other hand I was making a stand for them but later I realize I was fighting for a lost cause. I got more ridicule from inmates for standing up to "authority" than the shift commanders & resident unit managers. Like I said they were PUSSY which means they said things under their breath or behind my back. I once went to the hole (solitary confinement) for verbally humiliating & about to fight a officer for trying to talk to me like I was a slave. The inmates thought that I was getting rolled out (transferred to another facility) for that incident. Little did they know that I was returning back to the compound. And when I came back...I felt like Jesus, resurrected - back re-vitalized! I felt all the hatred & envy, the false smiles and fake handshakes, "that's right f*ck those crackers, they can't hold you" all of that. That's when people started to come up to me and say "such & such said this while you were gone"...I NEVER experienced hate EVER in my life. Not even in school when I got Jordan's and the other kids had Reeboks & Pro Wings! Prison was a helluva experience. I whole heartedly HATE those n*ggas locked up (most of'em) cause they don't stand up for NOTHING & hate on each other for no apparent reason. It is the proverbial term "crabs in a barrel". I learned alot of life lessons in person...for on, I got to know human behavior & the way male majority thinks. I thank GOD for my experience cause I couldn't have been taught what I've learned. It was a experience to experience to say the least. I got to see how petty n*ggas was, how to control emotions & people, and how looks could be deceiving.

You would never think that the majority of prisoners are 1 of 3 things: Fags, child molesters, or compulsive liars. Like CNN has the War Report from the front lines of the battle ground...I was like a reporter on the inside of the prison system. I know you would like to think that damn near EVERYBODY gay in prison, but thats not true. Alot of'em are don't get me wrong. But those who are gay, has been that way or wants to be that way. It's nobody just getting sodomized against their will (atleast I didn't see it). Most of the ones who were gay had wives, kids, or girlfriends which f*cked my head up cause they living a secret life behind those bars. Those are the ones I will expose if I ever see them on the street!


The child molesters came in droves...everywhere you turn it was a CSC case having muthafucka. I equate those n*ggas to the fags cause they try to hide the fact of what they are incarcerated for. Alot of those guys are in their for touching on a kid who was under the age of 15, and on most cases under 11. At 11 a little girl body hasn't even developed so there is no excuse! Some of'em touch on little boys too of that age. Along with the child molesters are the rapists, the ones who take p*ssy. The thing is, I can identify them now, they all have the same characteristics, whether white,black, or Mexican (or Asian).At one joint, my bunky had a CSC case for touching on his niece that was only 10! He tried to explain but my cubies (8 guys to a the cell or cube) made him confess and pull out his paperwork. As you know, these cases are a red flag in prison...he moved out the following morning and got beat up bad at breakfast. I laughed cause he deserved it. They moved him I guess after that he "locked up" (went into protective custody) cause the next day I had a new bunky.


And the liars! The f*cking liars...a guy told me before I went to the county's bullpen that I was going to hear some of the most outrageous lies I've ever heard...and I did! The lies started in the county all the way to prison for the next 2 years, and the lies got even more extravagant. One guy said he made 1.5 million in 3-months. Mind you he was 28 on his 2nd bid (2nd prison term) which means that he had to make about 500K a month (125 thousand a week). Some people believed him cause he brought some jogging suits and shoes and a bunch of other frivolous bullsh*t (goes to show you people will believe anything). Not me, I done my research and listened carefully to his conversation...comes to find out he drove a 92 Cadillac & a female car, a 02 Impala! How do you make a average of 6 million a year and don't have nothing foreign??? I've been around money since a kid...I know how the defrost on the Range Rover look from the inside, how the Benz leather seats fell, and what 12 thousand dollar rims look like...no need to brag but n*ggas wouldn't believe the things I've seen and done! One thing for sure is...I know a liar when I hear one.

In conclusion, I will go further in detail on this prison topic later. Until then, I'll be at some restaurant tonite then maybe a club (I hate clubs but my friends insist on me going). 100