I know this maybe harsh, but if I didn't receive a letter from you while I was locked up...I DON'T GIVE 2 SH*TS ABOUT YOU. Thats my word and my word is bond! There's no excuse for those of you not to write...a stamp was 41 cents (now 44) and a envelope is about 25 cents. all I asked for was some energy, effort, alittle of your time, a card atleast! Of all the people I know, I should've received a letter everyday of the week, but it didn't turn out that way. A few females who said they were going to write me didn't, which I knew they wouldn't, but I gave'em the benefit of the doubt. Now they wanna act like I should give'em 2 years worth of frustration to take out on their orifices...NO! I basically virginized myself, I can't just give that up so freely. I sat 2-years and thought of all the women i've slept with, and it surprised me how many women it was! I'm a changed man, I can't just f*ck anybody no more...a female has to put in that extra work now-a-days.
The letters I received I appreciated so dearly because those people would've been like those who DIDN'T write me, but they took out time to think about me and send me their thoughts, emotions, and feelings, reduced to written words to touch me and let me know that I wasn't alone. For that fact, I WILL share my success & future success with those people without a question. They say you learn who your friends (and family) are when you are in a bind...believe me I know now! I know that family is a word I take serious, just as I take the word "friend" seriously. and for the record, I have very few friends, and very few people whom I consider family! For the most part, family in the general sense are mere "blood-relatives"...NOT FAMILY!
Some of the most important letters I got were from a person who I should hate (and who should hate me if that person was to hold grudges), but that person extended their self to me in such a way that I can't ignore! I wrote some of the most profound things incarcerated. But alot of the things I wrote I never mailed out because I didn't want to corrupt friendships with ambiguous language that could be taken as something on the surface, but internally totally different. Anyway, I've learned alot about myself and others by writing...it was kinda therapeutic. My heart bled on the pages, and my words sealed the wound! I experienced Love for the first time (as in my last post I said I experienced HATE too). I've loved (or thought I loved) before, but I actually experienced Love unequivocally, without even touching, tasting, kissing, or hearing another person! Who can say they've experienced that? I've made love to a women with words...so just imagine what I'll do to a female physically??? Have you ever loved someone and not kiss them, touch them, or see them? Probably not! I have, and I have to say that it's a wonderful feeling...I loved for the 1st time from the inside out (metaphorically speaking). Before then all of my expression came from physical & sexual encounters with women, never spiritual & emotional. It was like I loved through my eyes & my d*ck...now it's different. I want to know a female heart & mind before my penis paint pictures by stroking away her past with my "art form". Love is a art form, some is abstract some is graphic, but all in all it's art. You start off drawing stick figures then move on to painting by numbers, next is freehand, in which you mess up quite often but you get better with your craft. Next you move on to painting masterpieces! That's the stage I'm at now...I need something to hang on the wall to show my appreciation for "art", which it timeless.
I don't hold no grudges with those who didn't send me a sheet of scribbled on paper folded up in a envelope...I'm just shocked that your thoughts & mine never got to build a stronger bond. I was like I died and witness my own death only to see who would show up at my funeral. I know it sound melancholy but it's what I felt at the time. Some people may say "you just feel sentimental cause you was alone". I'll say you right and your wrong because I wanted to suffer so I would internalize prison in my mind so I would NEVER go back. So when someone did simple things as send me pictures, I thanked them cause it was so many people who hasn't had mail in years (years without mail!)! I received more mail (which I still think it should've been more) than most guys got in 10 years.Believe it or not, mail made the days fly by a little faster, so it seemed. So if you are reading this and you know of someone in prison, write them a letter or just send them some pictures.
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