Write My Wrongs...

I know this maybe harsh, but if I didn't receive a letter from you while I was locked up...I DON'T GIVE 2 SH*TS ABOUT YOU. Thats my word and my word is bond! There's no excuse for those of you not to write...a stamp was 41 cents (now 44) and a envelope is about 25 cents. all I asked for was some energy, effort, alittle of your time, a card atleast! Of all the people I know, I should've received a letter everyday of the week, but it didn't turn out that way. A few females who said they were going to write me didn't, which I knew they wouldn't, but I gave'em the benefit of the doubt. Now they wanna act like I should give'em 2 years worth of frustration to take out on their orifices...NO! I basically virginized myself, I can't just give that up so freely. I sat 2-years and thought of all the women i've slept with, and it surprised me how many women it was! I'm a changed man, I can't just f*ck anybody no more...a female has to put in that extra work now-a-days.
The letters I received I appreciated so dearly because those people would've been like those who DIDN'T write me, but they took out time to think about me and send me their thoughts, emotions, and feelings, reduced to written words to touch me and let me know that I wasn't alone. For that fact, I WILL share my success & future success with those people without a question. They say you learn who your friends (and family) are when you are in a bind...believe me I know now! I know that family is a word I take serious, just as I take the word "friend" seriously. and for the record, I have very few friends, and very few people whom I consider family! For the most part, family in the general sense are mere "blood-relatives"...NOT FAMILY!


Some of the most important letters I got were from a person who I should hate (and who should hate me if that person was to hold grudges), but that person extended their self to me in such a way that I can't ignore! I wrote some of the most profound things incarcerated. But alot of the things I wrote I never mailed out because I didn't want to corrupt friendships with ambiguous language that could be taken as something on the surface, but internally totally different. Anyway, I've learned alot about myself and others by writing...it was kinda therapeutic. My heart bled on the pages, and my words sealed the wound! I experienced Love for the first time (as in my last post I said I experienced HATE too). I've loved (or thought I loved) before, but I actually experienced Love unequivocally, without even touching, tasting, kissing, or hearing another person! Who can say they've experienced that? I've made love to a women with words...so just imagine what I'll do to a female physically??? Have you ever loved someone and not kiss them, touch them, or see them? Probably not! I have, and I have to say that it's a wonderful feeling...I loved for the 1st time from the inside out (metaphorically speaking). Before then all of my expression came from physical & sexual encounters with women, never spiritual & emotional. It was like I loved through my eyes & my d*ck...now it's different. I want to know a female heart & mind before my penis paint pictures by stroking away her past with my "art form". Love is a art form, some is abstract some is graphic, but all in all it's art. You start off drawing stick figures then move on to painting by numbers, next is freehand, in which you mess up quite often but you get better with your craft. Next you move on to painting masterpieces! That's the stage I'm at now...I need something to hang on the wall to show my appreciation for "art", which it timeless.


I don't hold no grudges with those who didn't send me a sheet of scribbled on paper folded up in a envelope...I'm just shocked that your thoughts & mine never got to build a stronger bond. I was like I died and witness my own death only to see who would show up at my funeral. I know it sound melancholy but it's what I felt at the time. Some people may say "you just feel sentimental cause you was alone". I'll say you right and your wrong because I wanted to suffer so I would internalize prison in my mind so I would NEVER go back. So when someone did simple things as send me pictures, I thanked them cause it was so many people who hasn't had mail in years (years without mail!)! I received more mail (which I still think it should've been more) than most guys got in 10 years.Believe it or not, mail made the days fly by a little faster, so it seemed. So if you are reading this and you know of someone in prison, write them a letter or just send them some pictures.

A Day In The Life

I know it's been a long time since I sat at the computer and typed on this thing, but I've been REALLY busy. I've been free of bondage for about a month now, and I have to stay busy to keep my thoughts fluent...if not, I'll be like alot of these people out here...STUCK!
I'm noticing that alot of people are just wasting time (BS-in'). There's alot of things to be done each day. Locked up, you create things to do. For instance: This use to be my schedule...

Wake up about 6:30am, wash up, go to eat the bullsh*t breakfast, go in the TV room (if I'm lucky I can catch CNN or MTV) for about 30 minutes, do 10 sets of 10 (100) pull-up, push-ups, & dips, walk the track for a hour and clear my head, wash up again, the sleep till count time which is at 10:30am. Seem like allot right??? That's just phase 1. After count time (11:30am) go to chow (lunch). If they serving something unbearable, I sleep til about 1:00pm. Go to the library to get away from all the fags, the insane, and the liars who talk about other niggaz & who doing what in the street. I stay in the library til about 3:00, walk the track with my Conrad and go over plans and things of that nature or we'll work out together til they blow yard (4:00pm). It's count time again so I lay back for about 30 minutes waiting to see who took the time out to write me a letter. If I get mail, I read it and begin to write out a ruff draft response for the said letter. Now it's chow time again (6:00-6:30pm). Everybody watching 106 & Park, I peep some of it in the TV room or read the noted I've been taking from the books I've been reading...waiting til yard open up to go work out again (same routine) or if the weight pit not crowded me & my homie lift some weights or run the track & chop up game until they blow yard (9:00pm). I hit the shower, make a bullsh*t cook-up (noodles, cheese, tuna) and read til a n*gga call me out on a chess game. At 12:00 the power goes out, and I might do a few push-ups (about 300 to 500), then go to sleep...I repeated this sh*t for the last 730 days (2-years).

I've been to 6 different correctional institutions in 2 years...guess how many tickets I got? A WHOLE BUNCH!!! About 40 something to be exact. I got my level raised, and you would think that in a higher level with guys doing LIFE - it would be crazy like the perception you get on TV...HELL NO! Those n*ggaz was straight up p*ssy. Some of the old school cats who had LIFE would say sh*t like "he stupid for catching all those tickets" & "I've been down 20 years I only have 4 tickets". What? N*gga YOU ARE NEVER COMING HOME, and those guards come up in there everyday like you owe them respect! Every chance I got I DISOBEYED A DIRECT ORDER. I did it for me on the most part cause I knew they couldn't do sh*t to me, on the other hand I was making a stand for them but later I realize I was fighting for a lost cause. I got more ridicule from inmates for standing up to "authority" than the shift commanders & resident unit managers. Like I said they were PUSSY which means they said things under their breath or behind my back. I once went to the hole (solitary confinement) for verbally humiliating & about to fight a officer for trying to talk to me like I was a slave. The inmates thought that I was getting rolled out (transferred to another facility) for that incident. Little did they know that I was returning back to the compound. And when I came back...I felt like Jesus, resurrected - back re-vitalized! I felt all the hatred & envy, the false smiles and fake handshakes, "that's right f*ck those crackers, they can't hold you" all of that. That's when people started to come up to me and say "such & such said this while you were gone"...I NEVER experienced hate EVER in my life. Not even in school when I got Jordan's and the other kids had Reeboks & Pro Wings! Prison was a helluva experience. I whole heartedly HATE those n*ggas locked up (most of'em) cause they don't stand up for NOTHING & hate on each other for no apparent reason. It is the proverbial term "crabs in a barrel". I learned alot of life lessons in person...for on, I got to know human behavior & the way male majority thinks. I thank GOD for my experience cause I couldn't have been taught what I've learned. It was a experience to experience to say the least. I got to see how petty n*ggas was, how to control emotions & people, and how looks could be deceiving.

You would never think that the majority of prisoners are 1 of 3 things: Fags, child molesters, or compulsive liars. Like CNN has the War Report from the front lines of the battle ground...I was like a reporter on the inside of the prison system. I know you would like to think that damn near EVERYBODY gay in prison, but thats not true. Alot of'em are don't get me wrong. But those who are gay, has been that way or wants to be that way. It's nobody just getting sodomized against their will (atleast I didn't see it). Most of the ones who were gay had wives, kids, or girlfriends which f*cked my head up cause they living a secret life behind those bars. Those are the ones I will expose if I ever see them on the street!


The child molesters came in droves...everywhere you turn it was a CSC case having muthafucka. I equate those n*ggas to the fags cause they try to hide the fact of what they are incarcerated for. Alot of those guys are in their for touching on a kid who was under the age of 15, and on most cases under 11. At 11 a little girl body hasn't even developed so there is no excuse! Some of'em touch on little boys too of that age. Along with the child molesters are the rapists, the ones who take p*ssy. The thing is, I can identify them now, they all have the same characteristics, whether white,black, or Mexican (or Asian).At one joint, my bunky had a CSC case for touching on his niece that was only 10! He tried to explain but my cubies (8 guys to a the cell or cube) made him confess and pull out his paperwork. As you know, these cases are a red flag in prison...he moved out the following morning and got beat up bad at breakfast. I laughed cause he deserved it. They moved him I guess after that he "locked up" (went into protective custody) cause the next day I had a new bunky.


And the liars! The f*cking liars...a guy told me before I went to the county's bullpen that I was going to hear some of the most outrageous lies I've ever heard...and I did! The lies started in the county all the way to prison for the next 2 years, and the lies got even more extravagant. One guy said he made 1.5 million in 3-months. Mind you he was 28 on his 2nd bid (2nd prison term) which means that he had to make about 500K a month (125 thousand a week). Some people believed him cause he brought some jogging suits and shoes and a bunch of other frivolous bullsh*t (goes to show you people will believe anything). Not me, I done my research and listened carefully to his conversation...comes to find out he drove a 92 Cadillac & a female car, a 02 Impala! How do you make a average of 6 million a year and don't have nothing foreign??? I've been around money since a kid...I know how the defrost on the Range Rover look from the inside, how the Benz leather seats fell, and what 12 thousand dollar rims look like...no need to brag but n*ggas wouldn't believe the things I've seen and done! One thing for sure is...I know a liar when I hear one.

In conclusion, I will go further in detail on this prison topic later. Until then, I'll be at some restaurant tonite then maybe a club (I hate clubs but my friends insist on me going). 100

I'm FREE...at last

It feels so good to be back in society...FREE! It feels so good to just walk up to a woman and give her a compliment and walk away and see her reaction, wanting me to keep talking! It feels good to eat what I want to eat. I got sooooo much to write on here cause I had a HELL OF A EXPERIENCE!

In prison, theres NO CD's only tapes (they got MP3 players right before I got released) so the variety of music is out dated by 2-3 years. With that said, I didn't hear nothin' new unless it was on BET/MTV which is watered down sh*t any way. I got alot of catchin' up to do on as far as whats new/hot in music. So far i'm feelin' these songs:

Melanie Fiona - a new artist I assume, I like this song..."It Kills Me".

I'm really feelin' her...Melanie Fiona.
"Give It To Me Right" is dope...she flipped a old school sample waaay iller than Sean Kingston.

I love her look, her uniqueness, and this song from her. I seen a video from her when I was incarerated and it caught my attention. She reminds me of a female version of Andre 3000.
This song reminds me of somethin' India.arie would make:


Old school cat put me up on this joint while I was locked up. I love Jazz and this is in my top 5 of all-time favorite Jazz songs. I got through alo of those long days thinking of this song while I was incarcerated. " Just Another Day".

Last Weekend FREE

As I've been goin' threw this trial i've been meaning to do so much. I wanted to get drunk for the 1st time in my adult life. Friday I sorta did that...actually I drunk some Patron, Grey Goose, and 1800 Silver I believe it was but, I went to sleep right after so I didn't feel the effects. I didn't get to see the people I wanted to see this weekend but I still made the best of it.
This past Saturday, me, my cousin Tez, Shizz, and ya boy Short Dawg was chillin' together and decided to go to the studio. Short Dawg is a character, the niggas crack jokes all day. He had a show at Club Illusion (I don't do clubs) my focus was just gettin' in the booth layin' somethin' down. Anyway after he made his appearance and fuckin' with the "groupies" we met up downtown and went to the studio. We went to DWI studio, and they shit is fly! We sittin' there tryin' to pick beats ya boy Short Dawg was like "whatever yall want to do" he didn't have no input really from a creative standpoint. I figure he would just spit some lines he already remembered but that was'nt the case. After my cousin came up with the hook we began to write. Short was off that "lean" and kept pacin' the floor or either half sleep in the chair. After awhile he went straight in the booth and dropped his shit with no pen or pad. His delivery was on point and he did very few takes. We telepathically thinkin' (me & Tez) alike, like "Short Dawg got his deal wit So So Def/Russell Simmons he might be feelin' his self we gotta show'em we Detroit niggas go in". so Tez laid his verse and was droppin' crazy punchlines which, like most talented rappers Short Dawg tried to keep that game face on. Then I went in the booth and not to toot my on horn but I murdered it. Juan was'nt there so I don't know his reaction to it. The song was produced by DWI producer Trill. Short Dawg play a part as engineer too adjustin' levels and shit. We didn't leave there till 7 am. Short Dawg was'nt on no star shit either. They had that marathon downtown blockin' up all the streets so he decided to get out and walk to the building cause we was blocked off by the runners. Even though it was just a few blocks away from where we was goin', you know Detroit niggas'll rob you whenever. He had his watch & chain on and was'nt on no scared shit so I give'em respect for that. Them niggas downtown is scantless.

Next day, Sunday
Me & Tez met up with Juan, Short, Pip, and Shizz at J. O'neal studio. They did some songs workin' on Short Dawg's album and Juan's album. Here go Short again with no pen, no paper. This time it was a song with a crazy rhyme scheme so I know he came up with that shit right then. It was dope. He tried to crack on Juan for comin' with the notebook, talkin' bout he had "sack raps". Everybody was crackin' up. This nigga said like kids carry a sack lunch to school niggas got sack raps. They finished the song in about 30 minutes then went to another song that needed to be filled in. Mind you from last night we made a impression on Short Dawg, we gave'em a run for his money. Now today, he tried to crack on me cause on one beat I had a written rap. He was like "this nigga wrote this to 50 Cent-In The Club beat" (tryin' to say I look like 50 Cent). We all laughed but I think he knew I was a problem on the mic.
Funny thing about Hip-Hop it's all about the battle. Everybody has to be the best. It's all good cause it brings the best out of you. Juan always be on that tip like "such & such murdered you on the song" or "I sonned such & such on this song". that type of shit MAKES you come hard. I'm just blessed to have that type of rivalry in my camp cause i'd hate to be aprat of a group and there's only one person who shines everybody. As far as writing rhymes in my head, Short Dawg got me on that. I do way too much, and I just not in a comfortable position to JUST focus on rap. I always think about makin' my money, dodgin' police, making beats and how i'm gone chop this sample up, or just everyday shit that bugs me. Not to mention Saturday was Sweetest Day and one my home girls got a room downtown at the Anthenium cause she knew I was goin' to prison this Tuesday (tomorrow) and I didn't make it cause I went to the studio. I know she was pissed, but she might've just pulled a nigga out the club for the night. Anyway, thats how life goes.
(I feel like Doogie Howser with this typin' about my life on a computer shit hahahahaha)

Today hopefully I get to lay some more shit down. Atleast give my cousin this beat cd for him to spit on. It's like i'm in the 25th Hour, everybody wanna do shit with before I leave but I can't be in 2 places at once. Can you believe I put the studio before a bitch? Most niggas would've went to fucked the girl, but I feel that words (and music) leave a more lasting impression.

Destroy & Rebuild...then expand

Sometimes I wonder why did MOST of the great black leaders of our time had to be imprisoned. I've always wondered that, especially when I was younger and read The Auto-Biography of Malcolm X. Not to mention to listen to my family,teachers, and elders talk about how Rosa Parks went to jail for a WHOLE race (I know that's controversial ). But as I dissect the confines of my mind for accumulated knowledge, I realize that most (if not all) of my "heroes" have all been incarcerated. For instance:

2 Pac...
A man says his records never went platinum till he got a record. By record I mean rap sheet and by rap sheet I don't mean pertaining to music. After his release from prison we've all witness a different Tupac, a more focused Tupac. Some say his music wasn't transcendent from his old 2pacalypse persona but more "gangsta". In my own opinon I think 2pac learned a great deal from those political prisoners and the value of words. Yes, 2pac always had the 'Thug Life' tattooed on his stomach but after his release from prison he came up wit a accronym for it. He gave Thug Life a meaning other than the obvious on the exterior. The Hate U Gave Little Infants Fuck Everybody! That acronym speak volumes, as do the actual word 'Thug Life', it scares you sub-consciously. Kinda like when NWA came out and publicly said it stands for Niggaz Wit Attitudes.
Upon 2pac's release he recorded some of his BEST material ever in a short amount of time. besides it seemed as if he had "known somethin'" and wanted for us not as fans but as black people to come together and be part of his "plan".
Guys in my age group always argue that we have no black leaders in our generation but, they NEVER realize that 2Pac was the closet person to black leader/activist since Malcolm X who spoke our story...And that's why we call'em nigga, I betcha.
note: you can't feed a baby steak. you have to feed babies baby food and gradually move to solids.

Malcolm X...
This is one my favorite people whom I've never got a chance to experience. His words were profound and his actions spoke louder. No, he wasn't a Black Panther who constantly spoke on politics and socialism, but he spoke on our politics and how WE play with the hand we were dealt. Malcolm or El Hajj Malik El Shabazz after his pillage to Mecca, discovered to true meaning of Islam (which is peace). We'll never know what Martin Luther King Jr. & Malcolm X spoke about on the day they finally got to meet. But one thing we do know is after that pilgrimage he had Understanding. I capitalized Understanding cause that is secondly important to the growth of man, first theres Knowledge.
Malcolm obtained the Knowledge from prison which he converted to the Nation of Islam. The Nation opened Malcolm's eyes in a sense, and so ironically he would have NEVER known about his true self as a black man if it was'nt for The Nation or prison. I ask myself why did he have to go to prison to find enlightenment? Was it part of God's divine order to have him go through purgatory like Jesus in order to be "reborn"? I find that ALOT of people I know how were imprisoned come back out on the streets more educated in knowledge of self. Not to say they DON'T revert back to their old ways but they all have that "30 day eye of the tiger", in which they're eager to teach people of the knowledge they obtained while incarcerated. I say 30 days cause then reality sets in. Jobs get to doin' background checks, you get to witnessing they money bein' made illegally, and bacon starts to smell good.
All in all prison have helped some of the worst of us, but I can't seem to figure...Why do we have to go through persecution to move ahead spiritually, physically, and mentally? Every religion has that same theology. Destroy & Rebuild.

There's a whole list of celebrities and influential people who were once jailed. I just hope I can break this cycle I keep witnessing by informing the youth about the justice system and the prison system and how to avoid it WITHOUT takin' a cop out by sounding too preachy and say "go to school & find a job"...

-drop a jewel- & some random rambling-
When Erykah Badu says "my cipher keeps rolling like a rolling stone" alot of people didn't "get" that. Cipher represents a circle, and cipher also represents complete, so do a circle. So from 1)knowing or wanting to know, 2)understanding that of what you wanted to know, and 3) having wisdom about what you've learned is a complete cipher. That would be 360 degrees and your circle (or cipher) keeps rollin' when you keep wanting to Know. If you noticed, everything revolves in cycles (or circles).
For instance: planets revolve around the sun.
your respiratory system works in a cycle (or cipher) you breathe in your nose and out your mouth.
your digestive system: you eat to nurture your body and excrete the toxins, those same toxins fertilize the plants of which bear the fruit from which you've ate.
Even in the "life ecosystem" we are trained to go to school and get a job then die old. So harshly put, but that's life. Now living is the parts in between that story, the "chapters" as I would put it. And just like a a book you start from the cover and read to the cover. I hope to make my story a vibrant one from all of my dark moments, and from the law of the universe I should be granted that. Unfortunately alot of our "stories" are short, and alot of "books" are paperback and thin much like a magazine - full of false advertisements. I will like to make my life NOT a encyclopedia, but a novel with vibrant photographs. This site lets me "index" my thoughts. With that said, this is just a list of "table of contents".

Countdown To Lockdown

O.K. I've been thinkin' about the things I wanna secure before I go in. I'm still at the top of my 'To-Do-List' in which I only have 1 week and a half left. I turned my phone off 1st of all cause I got tired of gettin' calls from people who just wanna waste my time. For instance, one female was sendin' naked pictures to my phone and then call talkin' about "what I wanna do to you" type of stuff. Like I said before i'm past the sex thing...besides, I need companionship over sex. One female i've know for about 3 years called out-of-the-blue and I told her my situation and instantly she was like "i'll write you and send you some money & pictures". Whats so crazy about that is that she has a boyfriend. If I knew my girl correspondin' with a n*gga in prison, that is somethin' I could'nt take lightly. It'll NEVER be anything between us (if she knows it or not) but I appreciate the jester. Another female...well i'll say woman cause she's 30, had the same reaction. She's a writer so I think she would get a kick out of correspondin' to a future inmate, plus the fact that i'm a significant person. I just met her back in August so i'll see if she's true to her word. Anyway, i'm still compelled on callin' this female who says I owe over $700 in child support to a kid I have'nt even seen. I promise i'll call and/or make that visit to her grandmothers house this week.

My state of mind is NOT focused on bein' imprisoned but the fact i'll come home to zero/nothing and back at square one. Thats why i'm tryin' to somewhat secure my future.
The top 5 things I need to do is:

1.) Find out if i'm this kid's father...so I can resolve this child support matter

2.) Sale my car, speakers, amp, etc...(if I don't it's still cool cause when I get out i'll already have transportation)

3.) Collect money from everybody who owe me & secure some correspondances.

4.) Hit my cousin up so he can look-out for me on building my credit while i'm locked down.

5.) Enjoy my freedom while I can...and get drunk for the 1st time in my adult life (I've drank before but it was only twice & I was like 15/16 years old).


...#5, my friends talkin' bout takin' me to a titty bar (in which i've NEVER been) but I refused the offer. I don't know what it is about women dancin' in front of me naked but that sh*t don't excite me! Maybe it was because when I was in middle school my older cousin & his friends was out on 7 mile infront of the Barber shop one friday and flagged down a woman who turned out to be a stripper. Since we knew the owner of the baber shop he said we could come in . After a few advances, she gave in and gave us all a lap dance (completely naked). Mind you I was only 14 and they was all 19 and up...I think she was like 25. After that I was like DAMN! But I never had the desire to pay for a stripper...since she did a exellent job and I didn't have to drop a dime! Besides I can't concentrate with a room full of women who's fakin' that they enjoy to have random fingers shoved in her. Imagine how many guys that done probably been grabbin' they sweaty balls and with those same ball fingers shoved in her "canal". I don't like a sweaty women anyway, that is unless i've made her sweatout her perm/weave.
note: think about many n*ggas in the room that done licked that SAME nipple!!! Strip Club...NOOOPE

...#4, My cousin own alot of property around Detroit. 5 years ago he pointed out damn near a whole block on the eastside. And NO it was anywhere near Mack & Bewick. It was a neighborhood where homeOWNERS kept they property up. During that time I could'nt fathom owning a house of my own, mind you I was 21/22 and thought only "established" people were home owners (i.e. people who were reitred or with careers). Now i've seen I was totally wrong! Especially when I witness a n*gga make a closing on a $90,000 home and cash the check. The Real Estate game is cool, but i'm tryin' to stay in the house and build some collateral through it. Besides i'll be 28/29 when I get out, I need somethin' thats MINES other than a car & clothes. With him building my credit that'll be great for the both of us...I hate to ask him for anything (though he's driving S550's & Range Rovers and have paid for my lawyer) , but I gotta break-down and give him a call this week.

Words From The Wise...
...normality breed content (i.e. stagnation)
...idle hands are the devils workshop

Lock Me Up But My Mind Is Free

I hate to be typin' this little message but I guess I fulfilled the American Prophecy: make him a felon if he's under 30 and black. I was doin' OK out in the world, finally fillin' the shoes of "Man" (bein' that I was man in age but not in responsibility). I've obtained the title of "independant" since 2004, bein' that I moved out of my momma's home and into my own. I know people are suppose to do that but, it's hard out here especially Detroit. Since then I made it my business to keep the title of "independant" and finally my preserverance ran out.

The 1st road block was a female who I was really cool with had child support papers sent to my mother's house inwhich I didn't obtain until about 6months after they were mailed out. Meaning that this is the 2nd time around that a female had givin' birth to a child which they claimed were mine. I was'nt trippin' on the assumption of I was her kids father but the year of not tellin' me she was pregnant.
note: I'm a man. I will take care of whats mines, and ONLY whats is proven to be mines.

The 2nd road block was that my house got broken into and damaged pretty bad. It had to be some dope fiends cause they took the shit that dopefiends take...you know the shit they take...So I had to move from my neighborhood I grew-up where I thought was comfortable.
That brings me to strike number 3. I enrolled in WC3 cause I missed the deadline for Wayne State. During that same week I get aressted and beat-up by police. They charged me with 3 charges and when I went to court I was facin' 5-18 years. The police took all my money plus I spent & borrowed money to get out on bond (which is how i'm able to type this now). The court appointed lawyer was sayin' she MIGHT GET ME 3 years plus 3 years probation which was out the question. I called my cousin (which hurt my pride though he doin' VERY WELL) he paid for a good lawyer for me. The lawyer got 2 of the charges dropped instantly. He said "winning against this felony firearms charge is unlikely" So weighin' my options, I took the plea which I can't apply for boot camp.
Damn! Now I have to sit in a cell for 6 months up to 2 years out of my life. And to make it so bad I was just gettin' on track as a man. All my money is gone. I don't put to much stock into women since the baby scare i've recieved in the past which was twice in the span of 3 years. So with that said...I now have to prepare for my release from the prison system before I even go to jail. Meaning, I have one month to tie my loose ends.
First I want find out if I am the father of this child (which stays on my conscious). I'd hate to meet the kid after I get out of prison cause I know it would put me into over-drive which can probably have me in the same position I was once in. Plus it would hurt me to see him talkin' & knowin' that I was'nt there in his 1st years of living. Secondly I have to save every penny I have & make just so I can come home to some money to work with (I hate askin' people for shit). Third, all the females I know, they would'nt write me a letter but will give me some p*ssy (ain't thats some sh*t?). It seems as though my life is crumbling by the day. I don't have NO support system!!! The weigh of the world is on my shoulders. I can be a ignorant and just say "f*ck it" and become a full-time criminal but thats not me, I want so much more outta life.

In conclusion, i'm the LAST of all my so-called friends (and cousin's) to become a felon. N*ggas brag about "slangin'" and "carryin' a heater" but with me it was'nt like that, and now I see the flip side of it. I played the game fair and by the rules which ALOT of guys my age don't do. I say "so-called friends" cause the 1st day I got out n*ggas was tryin' to pull me back into it. I feel that if you f*ck up in one area correct it, move on and make it better. Like the book 'Who Moved My Cheese'. I feel everything happens for a reason, but this one thing I can't figure out cause i'm already in transition of becomin' a Man with a capital "M". I guess this will solidify it, bein' that I can handle the most deplorable situations and make somethin' out of it.